Best Motivational Speech IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
Any long-term plan immediately hits the ugly truth of reality and then becomes a joke I think very carefully about what's next any regrets you'd care to share anything that feels like that stands out yeah all kinds of regrets, uh you know.
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I have regrets earlier in my life about not being a kind enough person not bullying people but actually being in situations where there was someone on the periphery of someone being left out and noticing that and not doing anything that that that really bugs me uh like
many people um there were a lot of people who talked about regrets about regretting not going to funerals and there's one funeral that I'm thinking of a guy who I worked with I wasn't very I wasn't like a close friend but I didn't go to his funeral because I was like really busy that day and I still regret that um so that's uh that's a
smaller one um I'm you know for the folks who are interested in careers which is a lot of your audience I know one of my favorite techniques is what Tina Selig at Stanford university calls a failure resume like I made a failure resume a list of all of my setbacks and mistakes and blunders and you list all those hell, yeah you list you
list all those and then you um think about like what did you learn from that and then how can you apply it going forward and so again you know for me you know you can't spend a few years on a topic without it changing it, particularly a topic with such emotional freight as regret but the idea that you should never look backward on your life and say oh I wish I had done things differently is actually a
terrible blueprint for living and I think one of the problems is you know especially in North America is that we're a little over-indexed on the positivity you know positive emotions are incredibly important but and they should outnumber our negative emotions but we need some negative emotions because they instruct us and our most prominent negative emotion is regret and because regret
teaches us it instructs us it clarifies us uh it clarifies what's what we should be doing and how we should be doing it and so um and so we need to understand how to deal with our negative emotions we can't ignore them like no regrets we can't wallow in them like oh my god it's so terrible I'm such an awful person so among the
misunderstandings are we think that when we experience regret it's somehow an aberration when in fact everybody experiences regret makes us human regret is part of the human condition, what's more, we think that regret makes us weaker when in fact the research shows that done right regret can make us stronger than we can enlist our regrets as an engine for forwarding progress there are four core
regrets over and over again and they tend to transcend the domains of life we often think of our regrets it's like oh I have a career regret oh no but I have a health regret or I have a romance regret but what I found is the four regrets are this foundation
regrets foundation regrets are if only I'd done the work these are regrets people have about not studying hard enough in university or not taking care of their health or smoking or not eating right or not saving money small decisions that accumulate to bad consequences the second one huge category boldness regrets these are regrets that
people have that say if only I'd taken the chance they didn't start a business they didn't ask that crush out for a date they didn't travel they had an opportunity at one point in their life to do something beyond play it safe they chose not to do that and now they regret it the third category are moral regrets if only I've done the right thing these are people who at a certain point in their life could do the right thing or the wrong thing they do the wrong thing and it still bugs them
which is in some way its own way heartening it Shows that I think people want to be good and the final one is connection regrets are if only I'd reached out these are regrets about relationships where you have a relationship or you should have had a relationship and it comes apart usually through drifts and you want
to reach out but you don't because you think it's going to be awkward the other side's not going to care so it drifts out even more and then in some cases it ends up being too late and so these four regrets to me reveal what makes life worth living what do we want out of life we want a stable foundation we want some stability we want a
chance to do something we want a chance to learn and grow and lead a psychologically rich life we want to do the right thing I'm convinced that most of us want to do the right thing and what else do we want love we want the connection to other people that's
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what makes life worth living in a weird way regret also taught me about what makes a good life because I had you know collected 16 000 regrets from people in 105 countries and when they told me their regrets in a sense they were also telling me about what made life worth living how do I turn that like how do I take something that
feels like it hurts and turned into progress this is important in some ways its central regret hurts there's no question about that but here's the thing regret also instructs and you can't have one without the other so if you avoid the pain you don't get any of the learning so
what you have to do is be able to process that pain and I think there's a way for us to do that to take our regrets use them as signals we haven't been taught to do that's the problem we have this weird
the approach we have this weird view of negative emotions like some of us think oh positive all the time that leads to delusion some of us get so absorbed in our negative emotions that they in some ways
exonerate us from making progress that's a bad idea too what we need to do is we need to process our negative emotions in a systematic way and I think there's a good way to do that what we need to do is we need to think about our regrets and when we think about our regrets the evidence is pretty clear that they can help us
make better decisions solve problems faster be better strategists find greater meaning in our life what I had is I had this giant database of of of regrets and I would look on my computer screen and see them listed there and you know what it wasn't that much of a downer
because I felt like people were trying to make sense of it there's some interesting research on this one of the things that w we think about disclosure of our vulnerabilities and our setbacks and so forth is that people will like us less and in fact, they actually like us more
when we do that and so I actually had a lot of respect for people willing to disclose and willing to explain and I felt like I was actually helping them make sense of this regret so it wasn't that much of a downer over and over and over again around the world the same four regrets kept coming up and I found that fascinating because there
wasn't much national difference what's more as I said earlier these four regrets are revealing because by revealing our regrets we are revealing what we value the most and so to me these four core regrets operate as a photographic negative of the good life that is if we understand what people regret the most we actually understand
what they value the most so in a weird way these 16 000 regrets are not a downer as much as they are a pointer to what makes life worth living many of these decisions are less monumental than that there's kind of a focusing illusion that when we think when we're making a decision we think that that's the most important decision there is and so for me, I think a tool is to make decisions for fundamental reasons rather than instrumental reasons which go to what you were
talking about before about careers as a line that if we make decisions if I decide I'm going to major in this because it's going to lead to that which is going to lead to that I think that's a bad idea because it's I think it's a bad bet because you have
no idea where it's going to lead if you major in something because you like it because it's interesting because you find it compelling major in that because you're going to learn a lot you're going to do really well and you have no idea where it's going to lead and so you know the reason that I like making decisions for fundamental
reasons rather than instrumental reasons are not because I have this noble view of the world is that instrumental reasons don't work because the world is so complicated so you're better off just making decisions for fundamental reasons doing things you care about that
are meaningful and that contributes and is alert to opportunity along the way recognizing that as you said earlier that the path is not a path it's the opposite of a line it's a messy three-dimensional squiggle you.
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